But I cant help but blame myself for being part of the reason he made that decision. I get very offended and feel isolated and shut down when I read people telling other people not to use this descriptor. Just last night I was reading through old Facebook messages between the two of us, admiring our funny and witty conversations, and it really hit me that I will never be able to have another conversation with her again. Im totally feeling your pain after my beautiful wife gased herself in the family car leaving behind our little 9 year old daughter and a 27 year old , 15 and 13 year old . We were honest with each other about how we felt in life. I am, we all are, stunned. Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand. This is a nightmare. FallenAngel January 10, 2021 at 1:39 am Reply. Very funny indeed. She was in such a dark place and kept it mostly to herself . Please stay strong for your children. IsabelleS September 25, 2020 at 11:53 am Reply. Their teen killed himself. Now they want to save others struggling Im feeling so helpless. Therapy and medications help. We rallied around her and prayed that she would outgrow this and that it was part of the normal teenage angst. I cant help but feel like it was my fault. I talk about it to people and do not hide it. You did the best you could. I dont have the energy. I miss him every single day. I just feel like Ill never get over this or him. Lisa September 9, 2016 at 10:58 pm Reply. He found out I tried to starve myself. My dad got up on a ladder a few days later but my uncle was able to talk him down. Or so violent the investigation of the scene from detectives was being treated as homicide. Tsunami waves that knock me to the floor crying uncontrollably. This is such a well written article! I know she was suffering and try to find peace knowing she is no longer in pain and is with my brother again. It has been 3 years since the love of my life took his life. At the time we werent on speaking terms. A girl from my old high school killed herself yesterday night. He had burned my personal belongings with some household items. It was unthinkable given our past as college roommates and roommates later in life when I was living on a couch in a house he was renting. This for me has been a very long lonely road over the past 3 years, I could give you a million reasons why he took his own life, but that doesnt heal anything. I helped him move into an apartment, continued taking him to his appts, started attending AA again, and we mutually divorced. The earliest they could give us was July 11th.So we looked forward to that date.Lindsey became very scared of seeing the new doctor thinking he would hospitalize her but she said she would goMy precious daughter was the love of our life and we worried about her all the time. times were extremely hard following the death of someone with whom i had made so many plans! I have isolated myself, some days getting out of bed is impossible. I feel like i cant love anymore. She was unable to have children. the questions came faster than I could process. He told all the family he loved them by video weeks before. I didnt. She hung herself in a park near my neighbourhood. She laughed a lot (was a darling little person) but cried secretly and often. I lost my brother to a self inflicted gunshot wound 2 years ago on July 11, 2016. Feeling unable to acknowledge the truth, those grieving the loss may feel like they have to lie or live in silence. a part of me is glad that he is no longer suffering but i feel like his anxiety and depression have been transferred to me. Ive walked the floors every night since April because I cant sleep. I dread it. (it sounds absurd to say, but when my grief was fresh, I was taking a psychology course Maslows hierarchy of needs was something that, even just glancing at, made me feel a little better because, in a round about way, it allowed me to understand that, while I can and should help other people, I also needed to help myself. After a few years, I am still sad about the loss, but I have become a part of the world again. Your friends dont get it. She has a four year old daughter who was in our apartment when she did this her 3 year old niece was there as well. She was just 33 years old. I thought about her frequently and in 1995 one of my friends told me that she confided in him: she regretted staying with her boyfriend and wanted to be with me; but I no longer lived in her area and thought it best not to reach out to her. I just hope Im not screwing myself up more feeling this way. Ill be forever grateful that I had the most loving and brave big sister for at least 19 years in her human shape. He cant imagine life without her. Around 12 things became more difficult. They of course are older, but they loved him with all their hearts, as I did. Ive done the general answers but my child wants to know everything and Im not prepared to share that. I chose sobriety, and returned to work a year later, realizing that I had survived this experience. Do we ever get over this sort of thing. Wherever it is we go when our souls leave our body. My 26 year old brother shot himself last week. I miss him so much, its like he took the rest of my life with him. I could have saved him i know i could of, he messaged me at 04.18 am telling me he loved me. Ive been reading articles to help me process things. However, after the event, I started to piece together many things, including possible suicide attempts that I couldnt see for what they were. I miss him dearly. We were both in a hurry to get power again since it was only two days before delivery of her new furniture.That day seconds after she walked out the back door the front doorbell rang. He came to my house the day before to see me for my birthday. I dream I hug her and tell her I miss her. Thank you for your post. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. Me being there, my mom being there, my family being thereit didnt make a difference. I had found him. I am very sorry for your loss. I know he wishes me love, as well. Life is difficult. I've finally got up the courage to write this all out in a throwaway account. Please reach out to someone for help. Was never selfish, would give you the shirt off his back. Please seek help. I run out of words trying to describe how I feel. And he went through with it. He was a brilliant artist with a strong intellect, warm, charming, and witty. I will never get over her or this. But still. Over the course of 3 years I saw a major change in him. I am just stating to read about suicide. I prayed every day and asked God for his guidance and direction to help me go further into life. Atlanta, GA: Bolton Press. It took five minutes of trying to calm her down before I realized what she was saying. He had taken most of his antidepressants at once. He then told me he was going to bed and if he woke up he would call me. I cannot think about any type of suicide with immediately crying, and its been over 2 years now. Life seems like I am on automatic pilot just going through the motions, with little or no joy. She saw mommy dead and lost it. It never gets better but it does get easier with time. In the past few days i found myself once again going through the small box of things i have left of my dad. I never even knew he was sick. My ex and I are on good terms. At the time, my sister who was 9 and I were told that he had died of a heart attack in his sleep. What Still Remains After My Brother Died by Suicide - The Mighty I loved that man and I still do. That's 84 men a week. Today, it makes 2years since my son recovered after taking CONSUMMO herbal treatment, he is living a complete, normal, healthy life and has returned to college. Its the most vacant feeling. I thought hed be a doctor, Id be his PA and wed have children together and be each others missing piece. Thank you. He hanged himself in the garage on a Saturday night, March 2nd. My brother killed himself on a warm summer night in New York. I still cry quietly, sometimes. I spend quality time with my children, knowing that one day they will be remembering me. Although we live there, these neighbors would come when they could mostly on weekends. Some days its the worst imaginable pain and other days you look back on the memories and smile. I have his 25th birthday is 3/21 and then the anniversary of his death. All of the pain and anger and relief and stress you will experience is normal, and although I may not be a counselor or a therapist, you can contact me at matthewenzel@gmail.com if you need to talk about it. Seeing in your own eyes how your father died in the middle of the night was so painful. I told her that she was smart, strong and hard-working. On September 8th 2019 I found my son in his apartment dead from a self inflicted gun shot to his head. It probably took me about twenty five years to finally accept that my stepdad really died of suicide. The day before our mothers birthday. My husband of 22-years took his life in May 2019. My brother killed my mother and now I fear he'll get out of prison soon we loved each other so much, we made each other happy, specially after coming from really bad marriages. My brother committed suicide by hanging six months ago, he was my only sibling. Although we werent compatible together, I never stopped loving and caring about his well being. The pain really is like no other pain I have ever experienced. Unfortunately things arent going so well. Cristina April 7, 2019 at 3:54 pm Reply. IsabelleS October 31, 2020 at 1:15 pm Reply. But sustainable happiness always seemed to allude him. When I was ill, he became aware of my issues. The depression was just too great for him. Theyve been searching the Ohio River beneath the bridge where they think he may be every day, unless it rains, I believe, but havent found him. Tears are healing. Truth is I never could have changed the out come. What was it like when your brother committed suicide? - Quora Isabelle Siegel July 26, 2022 at 6:09 pm Reply, Chris, I am so sorry to hear that youre going through this and that youre in such pain. They dated back to before we met, and she had been hospitalized for her depression a few times before. He was also seriously mentally ill and OP, you are not at fault despite what you feel, Im so sorry for your loss OP but this is rly not your fault. You will survive. My parents are a wreck. We know that you are out there: We see you and we hear you. Like, i loss interest in meeting and talking to others even to my family. Chuck was also a man not used to losing, and when Jimmy managed to not only beat Chuck . Maybe to make me feel like his death was my fault, or maybe because he knew Id never truly leave him, no matter how bad the arguing got. Im beginning to find the weeds between the cracks a few with dandilions. The cops came and I told my brother to run home and hide bc before they got there bc he had gotten in trouble before I hadnt. I myself had began making plans to take my own life, when I couldnt deal with the constant Stress and deep depression that has taken over. He was a welder so he always wore a bandang under the welding cap. You are in pain too. I kept them away from all the dis functional drama since they were 1-2 years old. I miss my mum. I woke at around 7 and seen it, thought to myself this was out of character and then seen the heart he posted on facebook. And hug him and tell him how much I missed him and how much he meant to me. However, I have been granted peace over many matters. His so called friends mocked him when he did not drink calling him names, alcohol does not help Bipolar at all, they had seen it. I just hope that all the people who loved him will be okay. The relief I thought I would feel has not yet come. Your story sounds similar to mine.. except it was my brother who took his own life 10yrs ago now. A man's words to an audience of men, telling the story of how he became depressed in his thirties. I called to her saying Lindsey please come in the house,You will get pneumonia.Now she came back in the kitchen and she said Im going to hang myself, In my anger with my face still stinging as Im sure hers was I said Go Ahead.NEVER NEVER NEVER even remotely thinking it was real. But i never would have thought it, he was always a happy person. I had to tell my dad that his baby girl was gone. the head of the snake will be cut off, thus rendering the world of one less poisonous slither. Its still sore, I feel like it was yesterday that we were at the baseball game, laughing and living life. In that short time, he had seen his doctor twice, gone to two therapy sessions and a support group, and he and I had talked for hours. I strongly believe someone put the bullet in the gun. He was never treated or diagnosed with anything related to mental health disorders. Recently had been talking about marriage, figuring out moving in together one day and combining our lives together. My dad took his life October 13, 2017. Its overwhelming, most think of anyway to feel relief. My Brother Killed Himself. For some reason I keep trying to reach out, like all of you, as I see. He is so dearly missed. That is how I can keep on going on. She suffered from poorly-treated excruciating migraines. Then go to reddit and see how people re saying they committed suicide. Admittedly he struggled with the transition (which was not immediate) and the price that he had to pay in social exclusion and rejection. It helps. Please remember that often when we cant make sense of a situation, our brains often seek a cause.