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Enjoy! I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. If a dog can do it, you can watch. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. ", 64. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube Carlin is funny as hell. You have owners. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. They own all the important land. Theyre not interested in that. They dont want to hear from you. Obedience, respect for authority. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. Well what if I don't want to? If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. You don't. You have no choice! "I don't have pet peeves. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. George Carlin - It's A BIG Club & You Ain't In It! - YouTube 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. AshwaniGarg on Twitter: "RT @JamesMelville: "They own everything The rights and the rights of property. George Carlin. Fascism won it. This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. ", 48. Teach them to question what they read. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. (LogOut/ 01. ", 108. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. Nothing changed. LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. They dont fall out of the sky. This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. "Maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. ", 3. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. Politicians don't care about you. It doesn't matter what side you're on "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. Politicians don't care about you. ", 38. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. ", 27. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. But dont participate; it will be your death. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. "I have lots of ideas. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. They're all in favor of the unborn. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. ", 8. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Cloudflare sets this cookie to improve page load times and to disallow any security restrictions based on the visitor's IP address. The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 These days, 'Trajedi. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. They own you. They own and control the corporations. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. 41. "Never argue with an idiot. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? The great George Carlin once said in an interview that he divorced himself from concerns and problems from the world. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . "Everyone smiles in the same language. But once you're born, you're on your own. Theyre not interested in that. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. I'm your huckleberry. ", 72. You have owners. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. ", 74. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. They own, and control the corporation. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? Then you live in an old age home. You have owners. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. ", 60. After that, they dont wanna know about you. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. I mean, life is tough. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president. And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. ", 89. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". You dont. ", 37. Forget the politicians. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ", 6. ", 30. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. ", 118. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. They want obedient workers. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. Carlin did this better than anyone else. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. George Carlin Nailed Conservative Hypocrisy On Abortion More - HuffPost I don't like cats. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. Which doesn't make any sense at all. The people are f**ked. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. They own you. You and I are not in The Big Club. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. They should be giving their money to you. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. "I put a dollar in a change machine. "I have as much authority as the Pope. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".